He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
