He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
