i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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