Your dad touched me again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
