Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
