Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
