So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
