Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
