Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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