Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
