and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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