One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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