Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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