the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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