If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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