We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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