omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
