I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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