we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
