Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Are my feet made of real feet?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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