fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
