I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
