I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
