I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just puked most of my soul out..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
