Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
