Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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