i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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