I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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