It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
