Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
