She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
