just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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