Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
