what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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