great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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