guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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