No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
