I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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