I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
