I need help removing her.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
