New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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