I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
