Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
