Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
