I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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