just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
