The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
