god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
