with your own penis?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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