I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
