I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
