dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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