he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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