She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
