We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
