i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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