Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
