So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
