Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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