i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
