I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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