The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm