i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What should our trivia night team be named?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.