I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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