My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN