Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.