sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
