It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
