in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
