Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
