i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
