Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
