thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
