i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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