Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
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Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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