I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
