My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
