I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
